Yesterday I had to go to a required training on how to communicate with your coworkers and how to work with different personalities. That's all well and good, but the kind of communication training these people really need would be centered around spelling and grammar. But that's another story.
The training was only an hour long, but it was the weirdest, most entertaining slash horrifying hour I've ever endured. The following situations really did occur (sorry for the language, just direct quotes):
+ The person instructing the training gave some philosophical quote about how our perceptions of other people are actually reflections of us. Or something like that. He then asked if people understood it, and a lady spoke up and said "Yeah, it's like if I hear a fart sound, and I think eww, you nasty. But really it was just a rubber shoe on the floor. But I think it's a fart and you're just disgusting. Also, why do we act like gas isn't a natural body habit? Why are we grossed out when people fart like it isn't something we all do? Because if you don't have gas you need to see a doctor!" ....around this point people tried to start reining her in.
It was a lot like this:
+ A girl reminded one guy in the training that he needed to sign in, and he responded with "I don't need a cop in my life, lady! That's why I got rid of my wife and married my cigarettes."
+ A lady yelled: "Look. Sometimes I just need to yell 'Oh shit!' at work. I
know I'm not supposed to to say 'oh shit,' but when you say 'oh shit'
all the time you say 'oh shit' at work even though you know you're not
supposed to say 'oh shit.'"
+ A guy farted. Loudly. And giggled about it for ten minutes. Yes, this was a theme of the hour if you haven't noticed. I'll spare you the rest.So professional, I know.
+ A guy referred to the fiscal cliff as the "physical cliff." But, you know, words and finances and stuff are hard.
+ A discussion on personality clashes lead to a few people mentioning their coworkers, by name, and bashing them. In front of the HR lady, no less. It was a lot like this:
It made me want to do a lot of this:
So, yeah. I think it's about time the writing staff for The Office starts paying me for ideas.